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Posted by on Dec 29, 2024

Growing in Wisdom, Age, and Grace

Growing in Wisdom, Age, and Grace

When I was a girl, I loved going to visit my maternal grandparents. They lived in a big home, with a wonderful yard and friendly neighbors, one of whom was a girl about my age. It was approximately three hours from our home to theirs, so we always stayed for at least one day, usually over a weekend, from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. My mother was the oldest child, so when I was born, there were still children at home when we went there to visit. It was always fun to be with them. I clearly remember the meals in which after everyone had had their fill, my teenage uncle would finish the rest of the potatoes and gravy – “to fill up his hollow leg,” we were told.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past few weeks as I have spent time with one very young grandchild and a couple who are older. I am now a grandmother (and have been for quite some time now). But this time, when a creeping baby and a toddler grace my days again, I am remembering how my own Grammy and Grandad welcomed us, helped us feel at home, and always had a place and time for us. I’m sure we were no more aware of all they did for us than our grandchildren are of what we do today. Somehow, food was ready, clothes were there to keep us warm or cool, and a lap full of books, stories, and love was always ready to receive us or comfort us when we fell or were afraid. I suspect they smiled and laughed as they observed our innocence and eager readiness to try new things or explore whatever we could get our hands on.

This weekend we celebrate the Feast of the Holy Family. Joseph, Mary, and Jesus were ordinary folks from a small, conquered country in the Roman Empire, not far from the Sea of Galilee. Joseph was a carpenter and passed the trade on to his son. Mary became a mother at a young age, as was customary, and spent her days caring for her family and their home. They were part of an extended family; everyone was in those days. All knew their place and what was expected of them.  Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents shared the love of the family.

We don’t know much about the lives of the Holy Family. They weren’t famous or powerful, after all. We have a few stories about Jesus’ birth and the sojourn of the family in Egypt, a land visited to protect the newborn Jesus from the jealously of the local king, Herod. We also have St. Luke’s story of the time the family visited Jerusalem when Jesus was 12 years old. It was an annual pilgrimage and lots of people went there together, traveling in caravans. Jesus was not yet old enough to be considered a man.  He was only 12 and should have remained with his family and the other boys. But he didn’t. He stayed in Jerusalem, visiting the temple on his own and speaking with the teachers there.

Mary and Joseph were terribly frightened when they realized at the end of a day’s journey that their son had not actually been with the other parent all day. They returned immediately to Jerusalem, but it still took three days for them to find Jesus. They were quite upset with him. “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.” Jesus, with the innocence and confidence of a child who is approaching adulthood responded, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”

Jesus’ response made no sense to his parents. His father’s house was in Nazareth, after all, not the Temple in Jerusalem. Obediently, he returned to Nazareth with them and continued to learn and grow with them there. It wasn’t until he was much older that his life became dramatically different and he truly began to understand his calling. St. Luke tells us that as he grew up, “Jesus advanced in wisdom and age and favor before God and man.” Lk 2:41-52

We too are called to grow in wisdom, age, and favor (or grace) before God and the other humans with whom we share this world. We are not alone. We are part of our personal families and part of the great family of humanity. We learn as we go along how to treat each other, what our roles will be in the world, how others will expect us to behave. Each culture has its own expectations for how men and women will behave and what their interpersonal interactions will be like. As followers of Jesus, we have the great gift of knowing that we are loved by our God who is the Father who loves us dearly, allows us to learn much on our own, and is always ready to have us run back to him for a hug and a new start when we realize we didn’t make the right choices.

St. Paul reminded the Colossians to put on “heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” and to love and forgive others freely. Love and the peace of Christ are to control our behavior and expectations. Col 3:12-27  St. John reminds us that as we love each other, as God commanded we do, we remain in God and God in us, because he gave us his Spirit. 1 Jn 3:1-2, 21-24  Sirach, speaking from an ancient wisdom tradition, reminds us to care for each other, honor those who are older than we, share with those who have fewer riches, and be kind to those whose abilities to care for themselves are failing with the years. Sir 3:2-6, 12-14

Most of us do not share the experience of Hannah and her husband, who were unable to have children for most of their lives together. Hannah begged the Lord for a child and was given a son in her older years. She dedicated this son, Samuel, to the Lord when he was three and he grew up to be one of the last prophet/judges who led Israel before the anointing of Saul as first king of Israel. 1 Sm 1:20-22, 24-28

Those of us who have been blessed with children ordinarily watch them grow in wisdom, age, and favor with the Lord and with other people. We marvel at the adults they become and smile as we watch them teaching their little ones the same things we taught them. As their children, our grandchildren, play with some of the same toys, we smile, knowing the gifts we received from our parents, grandparents, and even great-grandparents (I knew mine), are tumbling along like a mountain creek, bringing new life and possibilities to those they will meet as they travel through life.

May we all grow in wisdom, age, and favor with the Lord today, as we close out this tumultuous calendar year and enter a new one. May we have courage to love and to speak out for those in need or for those with less influence or power. May we ponder the tidbits of wisdom that spring from the mouths of the children and young people in our lives. May we humbly share what we have learned and the hope that through all things, God is with us. Emanuel has come. Peace and joy and hope will mark our passage through life as we patiently accept each day and pour love into it.

Peace be with you.

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Posted by on Dec 31, 2023

Families Come in Many Shapes and Sizes

Families Come in Many Shapes and Sizes

When one of my children got married, the photographer was ready to take family pictures of the bride and groom with each of their families. The pictures were to be outside in a lovely courtyard. Somewhere around three quarters of the people in the reception hall got up when called to report for the picture. The couple’s friends who were not family had to reassure guests who didn’t know us well, that the party wasn’t over and we would all return soon!

As family members approached the courtyard for the photo session, the photographer first took pictures of the couple. Then, as people kept approaching, he asked if the families were all present now. No, they were still coming. A few more photos of the bride and groom and the question was repeated, followed by a question about whether the groom’s family were all there yet. No, not yet. How about the bride’s family? Yes, those people sitting at that table over there, was the response. So that set of family and couple pictures were taken.

Finally, all of the groom’s family arrived on scene. There were so many of them that the photographer put all of them up on a large outdoor dining area “balcony” and he went down below to take the photos.

The contrast in size of family has played out in many weddings through the years. Once in a while, both families will be large. Often, one will be large and one will be small.

Families come in many shapes and sizes. It’s a fact of life. Some large families are close. Others are not. Some, whether large or small, have members who have differences of opinion on many topics. Siblings, parents, cousins, grandparents – all can find themselves at odds with others in the group over many things. Sometimes relationships become so strained that they break. Sometimes it’s possible to mend the relationship. Sometimes it’s not possible or advisable to do so, especially if there was a history of abuse in the picture.

Looking beyond the immediate picture of nuclear families (Mom, Dad, children), there are larger family structures. The kinship structures of peoples around the world are not identical. In some, kinship is defined by relationships along only the male line. In others kinship is based on the female line. These are quite different from the bilateral, nuclear family kinship system that is characteristic of the majority of families in Western societies today.  In some kinship systems, the family is multi-generational, with the eldest members of the family making the decisions for the younger generations. We call these corporate kinship systems. In nuclear family kinship systems, the individual adults make their own decisions for themselves and their families.

Fictive kinship adds another layer to the picture as well. Godparents, sponsors, people who are close friends of a family, can play roles like those of biological relatives. These systems provide extra support to the family as they raise their children.

This complexity comes to mind as I hear the readings for the Feast of the Holy Family. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph were a family. Parents and child together, making their way through life. Their family was a part of a larger corporate family. Kinship included relatives beyond Mary and Joseph. These relatives worked together to support themselves and their children. Kinship passed through the male line, so Jesus was raised as a member of Joseph’s extended family. Fortunately, for those who keep track of such things, the line of King David was quite large by that point in time, so Mary was also descended from David’s line.

Family dynamics – who is in charge, whose authority is primary, who takes care of whom and when – all play a role in how healthy family relationships are. Sirach presents a picture of family relationships that bear imitation. (Sir 3:2-6, 12-14) The reading is all phrased in terms of the parents and their sons, but that’s a feature of the culture of the time. One could easily substitute our less specifically male terms today to make it more inclusive.

“God sets a father in honor over his children; a mother’s authority he confirms over her children. Whoever honors their parents atones for sins, and preserves themselves from them.”

Sirach admonishes his listeners to be kind, respecting and supporting each other. Older folks care for younger ones. Those younger ones in turn care for the older ones as they age. “Kindness to a parent will not be forgotten…”

St. Paul speaks to the Colossians about living as a community. (Col 3:12-17) The same advice he gives regarding communal relationships applies to successful families too. (Successful in this case is a term referring to loving, supportive families.)

Members of the community are to “put on,” (to wear) compassion, kindness, gentleness, humility, patience, and willingness to forgive as the garments that enfold their lives. In their dealings with each other, grievances are to be forgiven because the Lord has forgiven all. Love is the bond of perfection. And above all, the peace of Christ forms all into one body.

We respond to the word of Christ dwelling within us with prayer, songs, and gratefully living in the Lord’s name.

Returning to the family of Joseph and Mary, we again see a loving family living within their tradition. (Lk 2:22-40) After the birth of a son, the family brings the child to the temple. The child is seen as belonging to God. The parents offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving for him. Poorer families offered two turtle doves or pigeons. Wealthier families offered more elaborate sacrifices. Joseph and Mary were not rich, so they offered the two birds in sacrifice.

While at the temple for Jesus’ circumcision and to offer the sacrifice for him, they met two older people who had been promised the great gift of seeing “the Christ of the Lord” before their death. The first was named Simeon. He took Jesus into his arms and praised God for having sent the child who would become “a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory for your people Israel.”

The other person was an old woman, a prophetess named Anna. She too gave thanks to God for having seen the child. She told all she met that this child had at last been born.

None of the people involved in these events knew all that would happen to this family and this child. But Simeon and Anna knew he was special, through the gift of the Spirit’s revelation to them. Joseph and Mary knew they had a beautiful baby boy. They gave thanks for his birth and returned to their home to raise him in a loving family and community. We are told that he grew “and became strong, filled with wisdom, and the favor of God was upon him.”

As we live and grow in our families, may the blessings lived by the Holy Family be with us too. May we grow strong together in faith, trust in God, and loving kindness. Does this mean we go around with our eyes cast down and a serious look on our faces? Absolutely not! We are children of a loving God who has a fantastic sense of humor. We are to be joyful and hopeful. We are to laugh at the funny things that happen and at our own foibles. We are to sit around and tell stories of family and friends, and the amazing things we have seen and heard. We are to care about and for each other, not throwing away anyone. All are loved by God.

On this day and in the new year that is fast upon us, may we grow in wisdom, age, and grace as well. May our eyes be open to see the Lord in each other and in those around us. May we grow hearts that are larger and more inclusive, bringing people who have no families or whose loved ones are far away into our circle of love. We are members of biological families, yes, but we are also members of the family of the Lord. That one is HUGE! May we enjoy meeting and growing together in God’s family of love.

Readings for the Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph – Cycle B

 

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Posted by on Dec 30, 2022

Family In Its Many Facets

Family In Its Many Facets

Families come in many shapes and sizes. It’s something of a cliché to say that, but it’s true. We are each part of a family. Some are born into the family in which they grow up. Others are chosen and adopted into a family. Some are sheltered and loved by a family into which they were not originally born. But families are an essential part of the healthy development of any human being.

And about that many shapes and sizes part – there’s a lot of variation there too.

In some cultures, only one’s father’s side of the family are considered to be relatives. In others, it’s mother’s side. In a few (our own included), both sides of the family are relatives.

Then there are the “fictive kin” – the folks with whom relationships are established by choice of adults in the life of a child, or later by the individuals themselves. Godparents are fictive kin, for example, considered to be sharers in the responsibility of raising the child.

There are folks to whom we give kinship titles simply because they are older adults in our community or the network of friends of our relatives. We had several older women whom we called Grandma when I was growing up. One was the mother of an uncle by marriage. Another was the mother of friends who generously shared her love with us too. In some cultures, adult men and women are addressed as Uncle or Aunt.

And then there are the families that grow together in close friendship through many years spent together. We shared our lives with another family as children. Our parents became very close friends over the years. We traveled to see each other often and spent Thanksgiving together nearly every year. (The roads were too dangerous for regular travel again until February or March after that weekend.) When they moved to our community, we shared meals and time together at least a couple of times a week. We are still fond of each other and enjoy our time together.

These thoughts come to mind as we celebrate the Holy Family. Jesus was born into a family. When Joseph accepted Mary as his wife, he became the legal and social father of Jesus. How the conception of Jesus occurred didn’t matter. Joseph became Jesus’ father, responsible for loving him, teaching him, raising him to be a good man. Joseph did a fantastic job of being a father, just as Mary did a marvelous job of being a mother.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph were not an isolated family. They lived, loved, and grew together within a community of other people in their village. This foundation prepared Jesus to go out when the time came and share the news that each of us is loved as a child by the Creator of all. We are so loved that we are to call that creator Dad/Daddy/Papa/Father. The term he used is Abba and is used by children to this day to speak to their fathers.

On this Feast of the Holy Family, let us rejoice in the gift of family and pray that in our lives we too will grow in wisdom, age, and grace through our days spent in ordinary activities and the special times that we share. May we each become part of a Holy Family too, dancing our way into eternity.

Readings for the Feast of the Holy Family

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Posted by on May 22, 2015

Why Mary is Important

Why Mary is Important

Hail Mary - F Fong

When we think or speak of Mary, the Mother of God, it is always important to keep in mind that she is best understood in the context of her relationship with her son, Jesus. Said formally, Mariology is always constructed in the context of Christology. This is so because Christ is the redeemer and the sole source of salvation. Everything in creation came to be through him. Mary, because of her role, participates in the creative and redeeming action of God in a special way.

Mary’s exceptional conception as sinless affords her the choice to live fully for God. She was not programmed to be good, but rather, Mary did not carry the deep fear of interference and resistance against God that exists in all other human beings. The rest of the human race has the grace and possibility to work with and overcome fear and anger, but we must work to limit our desire for control and instead surrender to God’s grace. We often do not choose right away to stop being resentful or angry. We often project onto others the responsibility for our own self-inflicted injuries. Mary had a clear vision of her place in life. She was born totally honest and prepared to grow. She chose to say “yes” over and over to these qualities, even when they brought suffering.

According to the Scriptures, Mary grew in her understanding of her son, herself, and the work of God in the world for salvation. We read more than once in the Gospel of Luke that she “pondered” how their lives were unfolding and what God was doing. She did not have a road map to reassure her of where they were going, but she had given her consent at the Annunciation and she trusted over and over. Her pregnancy was unexpected and controversial. The choices that Jesus made had consequences. His declaration in the synagogue that he was the Messiah brought immediate violence and ejection from the community. We find him and Mary later in the Gospel living in a completely new town, Capernaum, not a hill village like Nazareth but a fishing village.

Icon of the Wedding at Cana - Lucia 398 - CCWhen Jesus began his itinerant preaching and healing ministry we know that Mary, her sister and a group of women accompanied him as well as the crowds. This was not a normal lifestyle for first century Jewish women. Mary had to give up her reputation, village, old friends and the comforts of a house. In all of these ways she was an excellent listener of God as he called her out of the usual, the expected. She had to be quite aware of the danger that Jesus was in. In the Gospels, in village after village, the rage and jealously grew in the scribes and Pharisees. They hated his penetrating honesty, his clear perception of their air of superiority. They despised Jesus’ humility and closeness to the cast-offs of society. Mary must have constantly had to put her worries in the hands of God. She modeled an exceptional surrender to God and acceptance of His will. No one could have gone through this without being in deep prayer and interior connection to God all the time. She stood by Jesus from Cana to Golgotha and we have no reason to believe that she knew that “everything was going to be all right.”

Throughout the centuries Mary has been understood as the second Eve who reversed the willfulness and disobedience of the first Eve. Even when this story is understood metaphorically, Mary still is understood as the first human to be perfectly and happily obedient. She is also appreciated as the mother of the Church because she remained as the center of the early church community and loved them as her own. But it is her maternity of Jesus which stands out as the most important role she has because of its eschatological (future reaching) character. What is meant by this is that she is not just a person who did something unique in the past. Mary was and is “full of grace.” In the spiritual relationship which she has with her son and the whole of creation, Christ’s grace pours through her as the first disciple to all of humanity. Mary mothers us (protects and strengthens us) if we let her. Catholicism understands all of humanity, living and dead, to be in spiritual solidarity, a mystical body. Because of this solidarity or communion, Mary can help us to have a readiness to commitment, trust even in unbearable loss, and unimaginable joy when we are united to her son.

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Posted by on Dec 31, 2007

Why Mary is Important

The Feast of the Holy Family

flight-to-egypt.jpg

The Feast of the Holy Family falls on the Sunday between Christmas and the Feast of Mary, Mother of God, January 1. The readings for the day focus on qualities that make for happy relationships between people, including members of families.

Sometimes when we focus on the Holy Family as the model for family life, we get bogged down with the perfection of Jesus and Mary, the holiness of St. Joseph, and the impossibility of actually living a perfect life ourselves. Then we write off their example as just another bit of pious nonsense that has nothing to do with the reality of crying babies, mortgage payments, difficult bosses, and all the other stresses that come with marriage and family. For those who are not married and/or don’t have children, the feast can seem irrelevant or even be a painful reminder of unfulfilled hopes.

So, I find myself wondering, what is it that makes a family, any family, “holy?” It seems to me that if the Holy Family is to be a model for the rest of us, that must mean that we are also to be “holy.” What made them holy?

Being holy does not mean having no problems or challenges in life. Holiness, it seems to me, lies in how we handle those difficulties that come in every life. After all, without the problems, difficulties, challenges, “crashes,” struggles, “hitting bottom,” or whatever we call it, we would never need to turn to God for help. We could just continue blithely on our way, assuming everything is fine, and in the best American cultural sense, be “rugged individuals” who can make it on our own.

But that isn’t what the spiritual life and journey are all about. Our spiritual lives are about learning from our mistakes, growing in wisdom, reaching out for help and community, being purified in God’s love, so that we can run joyfully to the Lord at the end of our days.

When we look at the lives of Mary, Joseph and Jesus, we find that they were filled from the beginning with many of the same challenges faced by other families. An unexpected, unplanned pregnancy, one outside the marriage; governmental demands that upset a family’s plans; taxes; inconvenient timing of a birth; the necessity to leave home and become refugees in another land; a child who feels grown up enough to go off on his own at the age of 12 without telling anyone where he’ll be; the death of a spouse or parent; a child whose life choices and career don’t meet the expectations of the family or community; the untimely death of a child. All these things were part of the lives of the Holy Family, as they can be part of our own lives. What made Joseph, Mary and Jesus holy as a family was their response to these challenges and their loving support of each other through them.

Joseph’s first recorded response to Mary’s pregnancy was compassion. He did not want to expose her to the penalties of the Law. He loved her and wanted her to be safe. When the angel told him in a dream that Mary had not been unfaithful, he accepted her as his wife. He made a home with her and supported her through the pregnancy and birth. He took her and Jesus to safety in Egypt, again following the instructions received in a dream. When it was safe, he took them back to their home in Nazareth cared for them and made a home for them.

Both Mary and Joseph must have “pondered” many things along the way. Many things did not make sense at the time. They really didn’t know what God had in mind. Jesus was a normal child. He had to learn how to be a man and how to respect and love the people around him. Mary and Joseph taught him by their actions as well as their words, just as we teach our children more by the way we act than by our words. It’s no surprise that people in families tend to share many gestures, facial expressions, attitudes and beliefs. The Holy Family would not have been different in this. The characteristics we seen recorded about Jesus were probably in great part those he learned from his parents.

In this week following the Feast of the Holy Family, as we enter a new calendar year, I hope we can take their lives as ones that exemplify the kind of relationships that result from heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love (Col 3:12-17). These qualities are not ones that stem primarily from feelings, but rather they are attitudes and behavioral choices to which we are all called.

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